d-bag alert!February 27, 2007
So this blog I like to read, Styledash, has a feature where they go “On Location” to “hip” places and take photos of people who’ve “got the look.” They commend ill-fated style choices. I hate it. But I want to make fun of the people and turn around the blurbs to suit my tastes. VOILA!
First of all, let’s go to OF COURSE the Barack Obama rally in Austin, TX and take a picture of d-bag with too much hair product.
The blurb that blogger Jonathon Morgan writes is: “This guy’s look is your standard hipster fare, but there are two points that are worth noting. One, the hair. Men’s hair has to go somewhere now that we’ve had it all messy and down in our faces for the last couple years. I’ve seen some guys growing it longer (ala mullet), but I definitely prefer this nod to the faux-hawk instead. Two, those pants! The comeback of black jeans is no surprise, but these are so skinny it’s unbelievable. Watch out for more men squeezing into ultra-slim-fit jeans in the months to come.”
If more men are going to be “squeezing into ultra-slim-fit jeans” in the months to come, I’m going to be slipping every man who weighs less than I do some Calteen bars. VERDICT: D-BAG!
OK, now we’re still at the same location, but we’ve picked a very unfortunate looking chick to profile.
The blurb reads: “At first this seems very straightforward — sweatshirt, shorts, and sandals — but this outfit is made in the details. Check out the extra ruffle at the shoulders, and the tight fit around the waist and cuffs. That, combined with the dash of blue shirt peeking out, creates a succinct, layered look that says “smart and trendy” without going full-blown hipster. Awesome.”
Um, what? Yeah, the ruffle sweatshirt is *OK* but it kind of looks like a modern Star Trek uniform. Plus, her shirt hanging out of the bottom is wrinkly and her entire ensemble gives her absolutely no bod. She looks like a potato sack. A potato sack wearing purple flip-flops. VERDICT: D-BAG!
And the biggest d-bag of them all … drumroll …
The blurb reads: “It’s nice when you find a hipster look that isn’t so over the top that you feel like you’re watching him go out of style in real time. For the dudes, there’s a few things to notice here. Check out the hat for starters — I’m normally not a big fan of hats in men, but I’ve seen this look with increasing frequency lately, and I think it works. Also, the jacket — this can be tricky. Most leather jackets make the wearer look like he’s trying way too hard, but the unique color, vintage look and slim fit of this one make it look cool without being too imposing. Lastly, the western shirt. I know, I took this in Austin, where cowboy chic is a cultural mainstay, but I have a feeling you’ll notice a country influence on scenesters and fashionistas wherever you find them.”
Another: um, what? A look that’s not over the top? This guy woke up in the morning and put a LEATHER JACKET over his loose-fitting cowboy shirt in AUSTIN, TEXAS. Plus, why is he wearing a hat? It makes him look even more homeless than his indie rock beard does. In the words of Demetri Martin, I WOULD touch him with a ten-foot poll. Or would I? VERDICT: BIGGEST D-BAG EVER!!!