deep in the ocean, there lies a wave for you

Last pose of the class is pigeon pose, which releases all of the tension in your hips. The space between big breaths starts to decrease. Then, straight into savasana, or corpse pose, which always ends practice. This combination always digs deep into my insides and pulls up some hidden memory, and then I cry while lying on my back, splayed out like a dog waiting for a belly rub. Today I traveled immediately back to the day we transported Clark from home hospice in his mother’s basement to the facility. We had started to give him a type of drug that would help his nightmares and visions, but it made him incredibly sleepy, which therefore frustrated him because he couldn’t get any work done or receive guests. He was in and out of consciousness and wasn’t making any sense. The nurse came and told us we were hours or a day or two from the end. Joe came over to hold my hand. The ambulance arrived to transport him, and Joe and the two EMTs helped carry him into the back of the vehicle. I was belted into that ambulance today, post-yoga, sweat dripping down my face. It was so hard to maneuver him at that point, he was in so much pain, and I got so snippy with the EMTs because they weren’t minding his leg, which I held tightly in just the right position to relieve any pressure. I hadn’t thought about that ride down I-66 in a very long time. Yoga is scary like that. I never know what it’s going to dig up next.