those last weeks
May 17, 2010Today last year Eric sent out an email to everyone Clark knew asking for their stories about him. Because we were definitely at the end. We found out about that on May 15. Then we counted the days and waited for the worst thing that would ever happen to take place.
What do I do on the anniversary of the day he died, which steadily approaches? Do I take off work? Should I be alone? Do I go to mom’s?
There is an increased awareness of what day it is, and how long it’s been, and I am remembering things I hadn’t thought about yet and thinking about what it physically felt like to wash Clark’s hair when it was falling out and the motions required to turn him over and bathe him in bed. I remember being at Georgetown and walking to Wisconsin Avenue and wanting to go to Thomas Sweet and ordering cinnamon ice cream, my favorite kind, and eating the whole cone. Total zombie looking for the teensiest bit of pleasure. I remember what the desire in me to eat it felt like.
I will be there with you……whether you come here or I go there……..and we will celebrate him and his life with stories, wine, tears, and laughter….I love you and you are never, ever alone…..momma