deep in the ocean, there lies a wave for you

Even though I only have the flu — fever, aches and chills, massive headache, stuffy nose — it feels like the worst thing in the world and I can’t stop crying. It makes me feel so weak — there was so much I was supposed to do today, and instead, I can barely move.

While Clark was going through treatments and sweating out insane spikes in temperature, my immune system somehow managed to stay on target. I wasn’t sleeping or eating well, but I never got sick. My body was in permanent fight-or-flight mode, whirring at a furious pace, bulldozing potential illness.

This morning at 5 a.m., I woke up with a fever and had shaken myself into a tight ball to stop my chills. Feeling this way makes me think so many things — how he felt worse than this for such a long time, and what his body was put through. How I wish he were here to take care of me.