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the ethicist

November 11, 2011

My boyfriend of one year has been given a diagnosis of terminal cancer. He has no family around, and I have been his primary caretaker. We had a wonderful relationship, but we had not discussed long-term plans, and his declining health has changed much between us. It is becoming harder for me to continue at this level. My desire to look after my own needs, personal and professional, and my guilt for feeling that I could be deserting him are becoming overwhelming. What is my responsibility? ANONYMOUS

“… though caring for a sick person can be exhausting, it can also be exhilarating, a chance to rise to your greatest potential, to mean more to another human being than you otherwise could. Strange as it may sound, your boyfriend’s illness could be the best chance you ever get to experience that. Don’t cast it — or him — aside. “

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