deep in the ocean, there lies a wave for you

All Songs Considered did a show about songs that make their listeners cry, and I love it. They had so many submissions that they did a second bit about it on the blog (for the record, I LOATHE that Death Cab for Cutie song).  I cried while listening to the show and while trying to come up with my own list. While I wouldn’t have personally chosen some of the songs featured, I still teared up to “Someone Like You” and “To Be Alone With You.” Obvs.

Music was such a big part of Clark and my existence as a couple. He made tons of his own, and we made some together. One of our favorite things to do in the early stages of our relationship was to get really drunk and then take turns playing each other our favorite songs. We’d be frantically Googling, trying to find the perfect example – one that both summarized a treasured artist and appealed to his or my specific taste.

From 10.1.07:
Subject: Yeah, I’m sappy
Body: Not one of my favorite bands in the world but, feeling the way I do about you, this song speaks. Check out Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars”

Oh, I checked it out. And, though it is a British band popular in 2005, I shockingly do not like it. But, obviously, this song makes me cry so, so hard.

The other song Clark used to characterize our relationship was “The Ocean” by Sunny Day Real Estate.

I’ve seen this live a few times – twice while Clark was dying, when I snuck away for two nights to see Neko at 930 while a friend babysat him, and two or three times after he died. I cry every single time. Jessica once told me the song always makes her think of me.

And believe it or not, there are songs that make me cry that I don’t associate with Clark at all.

I want to know about you, people I care about! Which songs always make you cry?

A fucking TWITTER POST ABOUT A CONCERT is enough to send a ball of anger and sadness and fear and frustration rolling in my chest and stomach.

A few months ago Pitchfork had a Guest List feature about this musician Julian Lynch. At the time I hadn’t heard of him, but I saw this lil nugget:

Obviously I loved this, and sent it to Ian with a note along the lines of, I don’t know who this guy is, but he has some nice things to say.

Sometime later Brett gave me a copy of Mare along with the new Justin Townes Earle record and then Ann put that Mumford and Sons song on a mix and a new favorite Beach House song came into rotation and I heard Wye Oak – “I Hope You Die” (which I have listened to every day since). So many good music things were happening, and I felt so refreshed by it.

It made me happy to like this guy’s record, that it was actually so good, after he’d sang Ian’s praises. It was like he’d said those things about me, too. A few weeks ago I was filling orders at work when I noticed he’d placed one! I wrote him a note, told him I liked his music, and sent him a bunch of extra LPs.

Then Jessica got into the album, too, and he played at Subterannean A last night and we went! I introduced myself to him afterward, and he was so gracious and kind. He was the one who had just played a show that I paid money to see, but he seemed genuinely thankful that I came out. We’d communicated via both the Internet and regular mail already, and this completed the trifecta – in-person contact!

So. Obviously. Today I had nothing to say on Twitter but wanted to post something a little funny and celebrity stalker-esque. This is what happened:

And then this, a few hours later.

My creepiness is a bottom-layer brick in the foundation for my personality, and I accept that.