“Jailor’s Daughter” is one of my favorite songs that Clark wrote. There’s so much beauty in these lines: “Lately I am reaching for what I thought was not worth keeping” and “This day comes around, it reminds me of what I forgot about.”
Today’s Modern Love references the story: “One story is that back in the third century, a saint named Valentine, who faced execution for officiating illegal marriages, fell in love with his jailer’s daughter. Somehow he wrote and delivered a card to her that he signed, ‘From your Valentine.’ Then he was killed.”
Then editor Daniel Jones answers the question, “What is love?”
“If I were Spock from “Star Trek,” I would explain that human love is a combination of three emotions or impulses: desire, vulnerability and bravery. Desire makes one feel vulnerable, which then requires one to be brave.
Since I’m not Spock, I will tell a story.
Say you decide to adopt a baby girl in China. You receive her photo, put it on your refrigerator and gaze at it as the months pass, until finally you’re halfway around the world, holding her in your arms, tears of joy streaming down your face.
But later in your hotel room, after undressing her, you discover worrisome physical signs, in particular a scar on her spine. You call the doctor, then head to the hospital for examinations and CT scans, where you are told the following: she suffered botched spinal surgery that caused nerve damage. Soon she will lose all bladder and bowel control. Oh, and she will be paralyzed for life. We’re so sorry.
But the adoption agency offers you a choice: keep this damaged baby, or trade her in for a healthier one.
You don’t even know about the trials yet to come, about the alarming diagnoses she’ll receive back home, the terrifying seizures you’ll witness. Nor do you know about the happy ending that is years off, when she comes through it all and is perfectly fine. You have to decide now. This is your test. What do you do?
If you’re Elizabeth Fitzsimons, who told this story here one Mother’s Day, you say: “We don’t want another baby. We want our baby, the one sleeping right over there. She’s our daughter.”
That’s love. Anyone can have it. All it requires is a little bravery. Or a lot.”
Hey, you can have this amazing boyfriend who is going to love the shit out of you, and the relationship will force you to know and own the definition of unconditional love, but he’s going to be taken away from you in less than two years. Leading up to that, you’re going to have to do a number of things, like change his diaper, physically force poop out of his butt, help him walk, bathe him, and make sure he gets his painkillers on time.
Not taking the “out” Clark offered me when he was first diagnosed is the best decision I’ve ever made.